Hi, I’m Natalie. I almost left the man of my dreams ‘cuz I was too scared to commit.
A perfect combination of the right background, being in the right place with the right guide at the right time, being in a long-term relationship, and going through an internal crisis forced me to confront some deep messaging I received from childhood about relationships before I could commit.
I am lucky I listened to a grounded, stable place inside (and not the media) and stayed with the man that I am now convinced is the exact person I have always needed.
I spent 6 out of my 11 years with my now-husband, Preston, questioning and doubting my relationship with him (and arguably held this anxious pattern with other men before him, too). I tried to “take a break” twice. In our sixth year, when we started talking marriage, my brain went haywire with panic and I didn’t know why.
Preston would roll over and hug me in the morning and my first thought would be: this isn’t it. And then I would feel so guilty for not reciprocating that love.
I thought my story was unique, so I never spoke about the experience of falling out of love for months and months and staying. I felt ashamed and broken, and my closest friends were telling me that I should maybe leave, even though I didn’t want to. Only after I shared my (eventual) breakthrough story was I shocked by how common my painful experience was.
My parents’ divorces and the media had influenced my beliefs on what healthy relationships should and shouldn’t look like and left me with paralyzing anxiety when mine didn’t match up… so I thought something was wrong with my partnership. I chose to stay, had a big breakthrough doing my inner work, am now happily married and haven’t looked back.
I’m not a therapist nor do I diagnose or treat OCD. I started out as a holistic nutrition coach and meditation/yoga teacher. I realized that committed relationships are the ultimate spiritual and meditative practice, and they are capable of being the place where we heal and profoundly meet ourselves, if we are open to it. The skills I applied from those careers profoundly impacted my relationship and deep satisfaction in my love life. Everything I share comes from that and from my personal experience.
As it turns out, my fears of commitment had nothing to do with my awesome man— and everything to do with unprocessed grief and anger from childhood. Once processed, I felt like I could see my relationship clearly and my heart swelled up with gratitude. It felt like I had a brand new partner. But it was really me that had changed inside— and the external dynamic reflected that.
My mission here at Anxious Love Coach is to support women with incredible partners. These women want to:
Get out of their own way and be able to enjoy the exquisite love that deep down, they know is available to them…
Allow themselves to awaken and be humbled into awareness THROUGH their partnerships...
Become the wisest, most badass versions of themselves… THROUGH the heroine’s journey that is LOVE!
Love isn’t for the faint of heart. There are many people that won’t resonate with the approaches I’ve acquired after 12 years of being with my partner, and that’s completely okay in my book. I don’t claim to be able to help everyone. If what I’m saying moves something inside you, stick around.
Much love,
Natalie Kennedy